The Turkey of the Opera
by cutepiku
Summary: A deanon from the Kink Meme: A rewritting of The Phantom of the Opera, staring Turkey as our Phantom, Japan as Christine, and Greece as Raoul!
1. Introduction

Hello~ I am cutepiku. I draw weird stuff on Deviantart, and haven't written a fanfic in ages. This is a de-anon from the Hetalia Kink Meme. If you like The Phantom of the Opera, you'll like this. You'll probably like it even if you don't enjoy the play, because.. I tend to bash what I like.

Anyways! All characters are (c)opyright of Hidekaz Himaruya! I own nothing!

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**Main cast of Characters**

_The Phantom_ - Turkey/Sadiq Adnan  
_Christine Daaé_ - Japan/Kiku Honda  
_Raoul, Vicount de Chagn_y - Greece/Heracles Karpusi  
_Meg Giry_ - America/Alfred F. Jons  
_Richard Firmin _- North Italy/Feliciano Vargas  
_Gilles André_ - South Italy/Lovino Vargas  
_Madam Giry_ - France/Francis Bonnefoy  
_Carlotta Giudicelli _- Korea/Im Yong Soo  
_Ubaldo Piangi_ - China/Yao Wang  
_Joseph Boquet_ - Prussia/Gilbert Beilschmidt  
_Monsieur Lefevre_ - Rome/Grandpa Rome/Romulus (in my headcanon, shut up)  
_Maestro_ - Austria/Roderich Edelstein

And other snippets of others~ Keep your eyes open!

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Our story begins at the Paris Opera House in the heart of France. The stage, bustling with life and high-pitched voices, shows many members of the opera practicing for their latest performance - Hannibal.

"Once more to my welcoming arms, my love returns in splendour!" Yong Soo screeched, the leading lady-man of the night.

"Once more to those sweetest of charms, my heart and soul surrender." Yao sang back, but with visibly less enthusiasm, his wife-man Yong Soo clinging to his arm.

"Ahh.. this play is going to rock!" Romulus pumped his arm, cheering as they continued to sing, dance, spring, and screech on stage.

"Ve~ I agree grandpa!" Feliciano cooed, enthralled with the German ballerina who was dancing on stage.

"Oh, shut up and just sign the damn place over, gramps!" Lovino pressed the paper work into Romulus' face, angrily ignoring the Spaniard making sex-eyes at him from the stage.

"Oh yeah, sorry 'bout that!" Grinning, Romulus signed the papers and quickly unbuttoned his jacket, revealing a floral patterned shirt beneath. "Well, it's off to my vacation house in Italy! Ciao~" With flourish, Romulus left the building, nearly knocking over Heracles, sleeping against a wall.

Feliciano skipped over to the man, making sure he was okay. Chattering about pasta, he helped Heracles to his feet.

"Ah.. thank you." Heracles yawned lightly. "I am Heracles.. I am a patron and share-holder of the Opera.."

"Ve~ I'm Feliciano! Lovi and I just pistol-whipped grandpa into giving us this place!" Feliciano giggled, turning back to the stage.

On stage, Kiku danced a long side his friend Alfred. He looked out into the crowd, spotting Heracles, and smiled lightly.

"Hey! You checking that guy out?" Alfred laughed and prodded Kiku with his elbow, knocking him into Ludwig. Righting himself, and apologizing to Ludwig profusely, Kiku turned back to Alfred. "Yes, that man was a good friend of mine when I was younger.. Heracles."

Heracles' eyes met with Kiku's. He smirked lightly as the boy blushed and nearly toppled onto the singer Antonio. He began to drift off again, when suddenly a crash was heard on stage.

"DA ZE! THE PHANTOM! HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! AGAIN!" Yong Soo screeched, causing further chaos on stage.

"Ai-yah, calm down Yong Soo. The Phantom could care less about you, I'm sure, aru." Yao comforted the man.

"I QUIT! THE MURDER OF DIVA'S DID NOT ORIGINATE IN KOREA!" Yong Soo gathered his skirts and stormed out, dragging a confused Yao with him.

"Well fuck, now we have no leading girl.. thing." Lovino swore, sitting back in his front row seat.

"Ve~ I'm sure someone can sing among them!" Feliciano giggled, waving towards Ludwig, who pretended to be distracted by helping the stage hand, Gilbert, clean up the fallen sandbag that had created the loud crash.

"Yo!" Alfred called from onstage. "I'm here to save the day! My pal Kiku can sing like something AWESOME!"

"Really~?" Feliciano smiled, and Lovino cursed.

"Well? Let's hear him. Can't be worse than the previous diva." Lovino sighed, and leaned back.

Madam Francis popped out from under the stage, grinning. "I agree~ Kiku has been taking lessons! Mon cher is quite good!"

"Ah.. I have, but I am not good.." Kiku mumbled humbly.

"Shut up and sign. Also, who is your teacher?"

"I.. do not know his name, I am afraid.."

Heracles cracked an eye open, listening carefully.

Kiku began to sign softly, becoming louder with each elbow to the rib, courtesy of Alfred. Needless to say, everyone was blown away.

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Please review. It makes me happy, and convinces me to write more


	2. Gala & Kidnapping

Hannibal ended in great success. Kiku returned to his dressing room after the performance, to find his room covered in roses, lilies, tulips and sunflowers. He felt a touch of hay-fever beginning.

Not soon after he changed, Heracles came knocking, Madam Francis peering around the corner with a smile.

"Kiku, you did a wonderful job." Handing Kiku a kitten, Heracles smiled and stifled a yawn.

Kiku gratefully accepted, setting the kitten aside in a pile of flowers. "Thank you, Heracles. I did not expect to see you. Thank you, again."

"It was no problem." Heracles smiled lightly, leaning in closer. "We should go for dinner. Catch up."

Kiku blushed, backing up. "I would, but my tutor is strict. I need to meet with him tonight. Maybe another time?"

Heracles yawned, nodding and frowning slightly. "Fine. I'll be back tomorrow." Giving a wave, he was pulled out of the room by Madam Francis, who gave Kiku a quick grin before locking the door.

Kiku turned to his mirror and began to prepare for sleep, when a voice appeared, seemingly behind the mirror.

"That flattering boy.. thinks he's all that, trying to hit on you when your success was MY triumph!" The voice boomed.

"Angel of music! Please, do not be angry. I only listen to you." Kiku replied sweetly, smiling into the mirror.

"You flatter me, kid. Say, you should come meet me tonight." The voice seemed to smirk.

"I'm not so sure.." Kiku began. He was quickly cut off by the voice, singing. Entranced, Kiku sat still as the mirror began to move aside, revealing a passage. A hand reached out, taking Kiku's hand, and led him into the passage.

For the first time, Kiku saw the voice. He was a tall, mask-wearing man. His clothing was borderline flamboyant, Persian in style, and his grin sly.

Walking down two sets of spiral stairs, crossing three small lakes by canoe, and then climbing a rock wall, the two entered into the mysterious lair of the phantom voice.

Kiku looked around curiously. Mirrors lined the walls, though they were all covered by fancy cloths. A giant grand piano, as well as a mini stage lay in the center of the room. He also took note of the most flamboyant race car-shaped bed he ever did see.

"This.. looks cozy." Kiku commented.

"Wait 'till you see the wedding dress I commissioned. Shipped it all the way from Hungary." The mysterious man grabbed Kiku's hand, moving him to a tiny crevice in the wall that was hidden by another cloth. Moving it aside, Kiku was shocked to see a life-like doll of himself in a long, flowing western-styled wedding gown.

"I'd prefer... a Japanese traditional wedding.." Kiku mumbled before passing out from shock. The man laughed and scooped Kiku up, placing him in the bed.

Hours later, Kiku woke up to the sound of a piano. It sounded like it was in pain. Wincing lightly, he wandered out to see the man playing the piano.

The man was key-smashing like he had never before, completely unaware of Kiku sneaking up behind him. Suddenly, his mask was taken from his face.

Whirling around, the man quickly grabbed the mask and threw it back on. "NO ONE SEES MY FACE BEFORE THE FOREPLAY!" The man boomed.

Kiku shrank back. "I've.. heard stories about you.. you're the phantom.."

"I am, and now you have to stay here forever.. except I don't really want you here while I write our wedding song. So I guess I'll take you back for now." The Phantom sighed.

With a bow of his head, Kiku mumbled a thank you, before the Phantom grabbed his hand and took him back through his obstacle course maze, and upstairs once more.


	3. Letters

Upstairs, the Opera House was in turmoil. Yong Soo had thrown a royal hissy fit at being replaced by Kiku, and now Kiku had also disappeared.

"Ve~ now we're going to have to find a new singer..." Feliciano whined.

"No, we won't. We'll find Kiku or Yong Soo. That, or I'll send you on the stage. "Lovino huffed back.

"That doesn't sound fun! Plus, I got a letter requesting Kiku go back up!" Feliciano bounced.

"Who is it from?"

"No idea~ Let me read it." Feliciano produced the letter from thin air. "Dear Feliciano, what a charming gala, Kiku enjoyed a great success! It was even better that Yong Soo left, though the dancing could use some work.. From O.G." Feliciano frowned. "I liked the dancing."

"O.G.? I got a letter from him, too.." Lovino reached into his pocket, pulling out a letter. "Dear Lovino, just a quick reminded. _Where's my money_? Send it care to the ghost. By the way, it's best you just do as I say, kid."

"Ve~?"

"This is stupid, let's just ignore them."

Just as they began to put the letters away, Heracles walked in, surprisingly wide awake, and waving around a letter.

"Why did you send me this?" Heracles was nearly snarling.

"I didn't fucking send you anything." Lovino spat back.

"Oh, a letter! What does it say?" Feliciano bounded over to Heracles, snatching the letter. "Do not worry about Kiku. The angel of music has him under his wing. Don't bother looking for him. You won't find him."

"If you didn't write it, who did?"

Feliciano opened his mouth just as Yong Soo came screeching in, holding a note in one hand, and Yao in the other.

"WHAT IS THIS?" He whined, holding the letter. "DID RUDENESS ORIGINATE IN FRANCE?"

"Oh, another letter~!" Feliciano snatched it and began to read as Yong Soo attempted to take it back. "Go away. You sing like a cow, and everyone knows cows cannot sing. Hm, the other letters were much more poetic.."

Madam Francis and Alfred soon wandered in.

"Kiku's back! He brought back a letter, too!" Alfred cheered as Francis waved the note.

"Read it." Heracles and Lovino leered.

Francis opened the envelope with great flourish, unfolding the letter and began to read.

_"Kiku has returned to you, and I hope that means you'll use him in more productions. Such as the upcoming Il Muto. Cast Yong Soo as the pageboy, and Kiku as the countess."  
The role of the countess calls for charm and appeal, while the role of the pageboy is silent, making this... ideal."  
Just do as I say and you won't get hurt. O.G."_

"What... the... fuck..." Lovino snarled, while everyone else went silent.

"I don't like this guy..~" Feliciano whined.

"Agreed." Chimed in Heracles and Yong Soo.

"Alright guys, here's the deal. A Vargas takes orders from NO ONE. Yong Soo, you're the countess. Kiku is going to be the goddamn pageboy." Lovino smirked slightly.

"Great idea, Lovi~!" Feliciano squeaked, hugging his brother.

"Well, I don't like these letters, but I don't think Kiku should suffer because of them.." Heracles began.

"That's right. That, and Yong Soo's voice shatters glass!" Alfred chimed in happily.

Madam Francis let out a snicker as he slipped out of the room to check on Kiku.

"Well, I don't give a rats ass about your opinions!" Lovino shouted, shaking Feliciano off. "We're doing this my way, dammit!"

Yong Soo clapped his hands together happily. "Goody~! Yao, you will help me pick my gown, right?"

Yao was dragged off by Yong Soo as the rest of the party began to disperse. Heracles, however, was worried, but decided to just sleep it off.

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This is all I wrote for the Kink Meme. SO! If you want me to continue, then.. write a review and convince me to write some more!


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